Being Me

So, I just finished reading Tori Spellings first book, STori Telling.  It was a quick and easy read, but very enjoyable.

Anyway, in one of her stories she goes on to tell that she finally realized that being with her ex-husband was never going to work because he only knew 10% of the real her.  I know that sounds weird, but let me explain a little.

She talked about how when she was with him she transformed into the person she thought he wanted her to be.  And that the real her was more of a silly, goofy, raunchy person, but never showed him that side.  When she would let little pieces of who she really was slip out that he would reprimand her for it and it would disgust him.  Therefore, she kept playing this "character" to keep her marriage happy.

Well, she eventually divorced that guy...I'm sure you got that from when I referred to him above as her "ex-husband."  But anyway, she met a man (Dean) who she could be herself 100%.  And she talked about how great it made her feel to know that he loved her for being the REAL her, not the fake individual she played in her previous marriage.

This got me thinking.  I'm sure this kind of thing happens often (not the thinking, but when a woman plays someone she's not.  Although, give me a little credit here...I do a lot of thinking too!)   When a woman starts to get lonely and can hear the ticking of her internal clock she starts to panic briefly.  Before she knows it she meets a man and starts to transform into the person she thinks he wants her to be.  Why does she do this?  Well, because anything seems better than being alone I guess.

Point is - yes I'll finally get to a point.  Reading this makes me feel VERY fortunate. I have never been anything but my true self around my husband and I know that he truly loves me for the real me.  Which is such a relief.  Yeah, I might say stupid, gross, raunchy, embarrassing things around him - but it usually makes for a good laugh that we get to share together.  I just love that he knows ME, and not some fake person that I transformed into just to keep him happy. 

Now, I'm sure there are times when he wishes I would be that "dream wife" figure. It would probably mean that the house would always stay clean, he'd have a hot meal waiting for him every night, all his laundry would be pressed and clean, he'd never have to negotiate what we watched on TV in the evenings, he'd never have to change a diaper or participate in bath time, etc., etc., etc..

Well, sorry honey!  That's just not me.  You will never know a life with me that includes laundry being kept up, your clothes free of wrinkles, a sparkling clean house at all times, not having to change a big fat shitty diaper and getting to watch your choice of shows every night.  Eww...that last one just makes my stomach turn.  I mean, I think if he had the choice Ice Road Truckers, fishing and hunting would be the only channels on at all times.  I need my dose of MTV and E! at every chance I get!!

Did you think I was going to say that the "big-fat-shitty diaper" was going to be what made my stomach turn?  Yeah, that probably would have made a little more sense. 

Anyway, I am glad I can safely say I am true to myself and I act like my real self in my life.  I couldn't imagine having to play a "character" to put on a front to be someone I'm not.

To anyone out there that plays a "character" in their daily life; I'm sorry!  And you really have to start living your true life...it's SO much more fun!!

-EmJ (the REAL one)